The battle that I have been fighting for is finally over. 29th November 2011 marks the day whereby all the sufferings and bitterness come to an end. Emotions and visualisation then came into picture. Yes, I do realise that going through this Alevel journey is a tough one but I must also not forget about what is going to happen next. That, is the biggest question mark. To go through A level routine is already planned for me. I just have to organize my time, strategize my study techniques and practice till the final day arrives. However, what comes after A level is a complete different story.
While my friends begin to shred their notes into pieces,threw it into the air and eventually chunk all of their piles of worksheets to the side of the rubbish chute, I did not. It was as if I have not completed this A level battle! Something was really holding me back. It was the feeling of uncertainty, lost yet relieve at the same time. I felt unsure of my future all of a sudden and kept thinking of the possible grades that I may get at the end of the day. And it sucks big time. There was once when I felt really lost. I did not know what to do. I did not know how to react & I did not know why all this thoughts get into my head! The pessimist in me have evolved and I am very confident of that. Perhaps, thanks to econs paper 1, I doubted myself of achieving good grades. Occasionally, I wondered how my life will be like if I happen to fail any of my subjects. To Allah I seek help but each time I have my prayers, the sense of uncertainty gets stronger and much more convincing than before!! ):
Nevertheless, I have to look ahead and start to realise that my future is not as bleak as how it seems to be like. It is just a figment of my imagination. The more I think of it, the more likely it will occur(according to the Law of Attraction). Thus, FADZLI, START BELIEVING THAT YOU CAN! Architecture Course is all I want in University. I dont mind working my ass out without sleep as long as I am able to do what Ive been longing to do since I was sec3!
Whatever it is, life must go on. I guess this is the one chapter of my life that I will never forget till the my very last breath. I must admit that this part of my life takes away my confidence and the level of happiness that I yearned to have. Challenges. Obstacles. Difficulties. These words tie in perfectly to what they say, JC LIFE. Forget about the holistic experience. Forget about the fun loving environment. JC LIFE is all about you handling the toughest challenges and not only battling against the process but also, the most heartbreaking emotions you can ever think off. Its worst that your first break up. I am just so glad that the next chapter of my life is about to begin. The Fadzli you know before have changed to be a person who faced countless defeat, overcame great hurdles and finished off with a deep breath.
Labels: his life changes.
